Why The Worst From My Ex Made Me Become My Best…

Dear Romantics

For years I resisted change. I wanted it, I entertained the idea of it, I would come up with great ideas for it that would inspire my creativity and get me all excited…and then I would just sit in that idea, with all its promise and excitement and do nothing. For a big chunk of time I had hit the repeat button and slipped into the same routine. I was in a job that didn’t fill me, my 11-year relationship had completely stagnated and what I truly wanted was something I no longer allowed to be of any significant importance to me…Instead, I allowed fear and the threat of change to dominate my life and overtake what I really wanted for ME. 

It took 15 years for me to step into change and when it finally happened, my first realisation was the enormity of time I had lost and how much I wish I had started sooner. One thing that change taught me was the ripple effect that manages to flitter into every area of your life the minute you invite it in. From your relationships, the type of people you attract, what you choose to give your time to and how much it affects your BS meter and what little time you have for things that simply no longer serve you.

As difficult as it was, I have an enormity of gratitude towards my ex-partner of 11-years for initiating that change in me just a few years ago. I am grateful for the ultimatum he served me, the date he set that I needed to have my bags packed and ready to leave, that he didn’t buckle on the morning I was ready to drive away and out of fear, I suggested we re-think things…But I am especially grateful for him giving me the biggest push of all, the moment I came so close to making my biggest mistake and sheepishly went knocking on his door close to 12-months after our break-up, hoping to claim my old life back, only to have the door slammed in my face…

He had moved on, had launched into a new relationship with someone close to the both of us moments after I left and despite our amicableand ongoing communication throughout our breakup, it was one significant piece of information he managed to keep close to his chest…I remember hearing the words and going blank. I was glued to the couch (our couch) and remember thinking why on earth I was still sitting there. I had neon signs and flashing lights with the words Wrong Way Go Back blinking at me over and over again…

Change is uncomfortable, it’s disruptive, it forces you to let go of a safety net that’s provided a sense of comfort, stability and an identity of who you THINK you are…Change is there to rattle your secure foundations, to break old patterns and if you make the decision to step into it, the growth, potential and satisfaction that comes from recognising your own strengths and abilities sends the direction of your life into a completely different trajectory…

You might be in the midst of that change right now or perhaps you’ve been contemplating stepping into it. Regardless of how long you’ve been putting it off, at some point one of two things will happen. You will either be forced into action or you will continue to repeat the same thing.

If you had the chance, what would you like to change…?

Happy Travels, Paula x

 

2018-11-08T02:15:06+00:00

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